Do Radio People Dream of Sheep? PT1

One thing I know for a fact, is that true radio people share similar dreams when they are trying to slumber. First off, there are no great shifts in radio. This being because you must be ON TIME, if you are late, people/listeners/your boss/your mom, all listen and then EVERYONE KNOWS. There is a public shaming factor at work, you have to get to work on time to avoid people whispering behind your back what a lame-ass douchebag you are in getting to work, plus, when you do get there, the person in front of you stares at you with big disapproving reproachful eyes that say "you are a lame-ass douchebag for making me wait" and who needs to see that?

So, radio people are obliged to be punctual. That doesn't stop some people. For instance, I was hired one time as the third wheel for a morning show team in San Francisco and BOTH of the guys were notorious for being late. And we are talking two hours late at times. So if the news guy was two hours late, I did the news for two hours and if the jock (radio slang for DJ) was late, I was the jock for two hours. Of course, I didn't complain because it was nice to be able to rotate my job description. The only problem was when both of them were late, well, needless to say, that became a bit tricky. If you inspect the time-shifts people have to work, which in most stations nowadays aren't based on the previous 4 hour shifts of yesteryear, they all suck.

How can that be, you ask? Well, ok, let's take a quick look at the time-shifts (based on the stations I see nowadays, some still have different times). Mornings are from 5:30AM to 10AM. That automatically sucks because who really wants to wake up at 4:30AM? And assuming you live only 5 minutes away from the station (which I don't, more like 40 minutes) then the latest time you could wake up would be 5:25AM, assuming people you work with don't mind your obvious lack of hygiene.

Middays (10AM to 3PM) suck because you will never be able to keep a lunch date. That, and you will never get to make a doctor's appointment either, unless they have hours after 4PM, which, I don't know about you, is rarer than seeing a monkey's butt on the street. Not that I really want to see a monkey's butt. And don't even try a 9AM appointment, you will be sitting there in constant fear and sweat hoping the doctor is not late because then it will make you late.

I never worked the Afternoons (3 to 7PM) on a regular basis but I have filled in. While you don't have the issues of waking up and/or missing lunch dates, you have the issue of getting stuck in rush hour traffic. Of course, that could only apply to the bigger cities like NYC and Los Angeles. THis does not apply if you work in some bum-f-ck desolation like Midville, Idaho. So ok, afternoons are the least obnoxious, but then again, I don't know because I never worked Afternoons on a regular basis.

The Evening shift (7PM to Mid) has similar problems as middays, but during this time you are missing out on all kinds of events. We're talking dinners, get-togethers, cool TV shows and alot of concerts. Not to mention that you are out of sync with the rest of the universe because you probably ended up going to sleep at 1AM or later. And in one station I worked at, because the production guy didn't want to stay later than his alloted 8 hour shift, I ended up voicing and producing all the radio spots that happened to come in at 5PM. After a while, people nicknamed me production director. This doesn't happen to Evening people nowadays as most stations seem to be paranoid about jocks using the production room.

I guess you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure why the Overnight shift (Mid to 5:30) sucks. But here is actually one shift that has a big advantage over other shifts and that is, you stay out of the way from the whining and office bulls--t that eventually spew around radio stations like a constipated monkey butt.

I should stop now, yes, more useless and unimportant information in my next post about the nocturnal habits of radio people.